WOW! Words cannot describe how amazing but also very challenging this past month has been. I was blessed to see my sister for a week. Best surprise ever and it was great to reconnect with my sister but also a few friends as well when I was there. It was too hot for me though that is for sure (like 100s) but enjoyed the time there. Before I left for Arizona though, God gave me a miracle on Thursday September 12, 2013 that I will never forget. The Lord has blessed me through the support of my donors and is using me to feed the children in Ochente Nueve. At times it is hard what to cook for a large group of people and not knowing the amount that we be there as well is also difficult. On this day I went to the store and bought enough food for 30 people but there ended up being 55 that day. I truly believe God gave me a miracle that day and multiplied the food to where each person got a plate of food. Amazed of what God did and will continue to do.
To be honest, even though I love being here but it has not been easy. It is also hard when you want to vent in English but everyone around you speaks Spanish. I want to call my friends back at home but I either have to connect to wifi or it is hard to explain the whole situations. At least I have my roommate/ friend Flori who speaks both because without her I feel as if I would be all alone to get through the hard times and understand what I am going through.
Right now the times are tough because finances are getting low and I know my God will provide but it is hard when you are in that spot where people are relying on you to provide from them but I am relying on people to help me with my finances. It was yesterday at Pastor Mercado's Church where I fell onto my knees at the end of service and just cried out to God but it was a good cry. There has been many tears these past few days not knowing what is going to come next and that scares me. I am the type of person that is always planning ahead and it is hard when I cannot. But notice a couple sentences back, I was not relying on God to carry this stress. I was not relying on God to provide but rather just my donors. He knows my needs and my requests.
Yesterday in service, I really felt like God was saying "look at your phone." I was confused because even though I do not understand a full service yet (partially because they talk so fast), I do not want to be rude and use my phone during service but I was like, "ok." It was my dad who text me a message saying to look at Luke 10:40. And when life gets burdensome and complicated pray to God "Help my heart dream again." I then look up that verse right away and it states "But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!." I then read the footnotes as to what this meant and it was exactly what I needed to hear at that exact moment. The footnote reads as this, "Mary and Martha both loved Jesus. On this occasion they were both serving him. But Martha thought Mary's style of serving was inferior to hers. She didn't realize that in her desire to serve, she was actually neglecting her guest. Are you so busy doing things FOR Jesus that you're not spending any time WITH him? Don't let your service become self-serving. Jesus did not blame Martha for being concerned about household chores. He was only asking her to set priorities. Service to Christ can degenerate into mere busywork that is no longer full of devotion to God." When I read that I began to cry out (I still do at times). It was at that moment I was realizing that I was relying on my own strength and I was carry the burdens of provision for not just myself but for others. I had the faith that God will provide but I think it was 75% faith and 25% doubt. I need to have 100% faith. Where is the faith when there is little doubt? I need to seek Him more. I get so caught up doing things FOR Him rather than spending time WITH Him and that is where I grew weak. When I do His work WITH Him and along side Him, I can rely on His strength. I would like to not that I am human and will not perfect this but I need to remind myself this daily. It may be not easy at times especially in times of need but I believe it is a great tool to have.
PSALM 116:1 "I love the LORD, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy."
Isaiah 41:10 "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I
will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my
righteous right hand."
Mark 9:23-24 "Jesus said, 'Everything is possible for him who believes.' Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, 'I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!'"
**Help me Lord to dream again. Help me to dream bigger dreams that can only be done through You.
AMEN
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